It’s no doubt that we are a media based society and yet for decades prior to this wealth of information age, our communities had thrived only in a secretive underground culture. I recently watched the documentary, Before Stonewall and it reminded me of how grateful I am to live in a political age that, though not perfect, -only a short time ago- would have seemed impossible. Despite that the documentary was released the year I read my first book (1984), it didn’t seem dated as I had expected it to. It was a fascinating glimpse into the lives of many men and women who experienced the bar raids and humiliation of the McCarthy Era.

Within my lifetime shows like Ellen, Queer as Folk (and so many others that followed) have brought gay and lesbians into the limelight of Hollywood. In my opinion, portrayals in the media have simultaneously destroyed and padded stereotypes- depending on the source. Of course, the majority are fictional characters and I think at times, some people take them too personally. I was reading an article this morning claiming the L Word twists up bisexuality and misrepresents the group. Afterwards I wanted to scream at the monitor that this is ALICE’S story… not yours. I guess in a way, people want to see their lives represented so badly, that they are hurt when scripts turn out actually to not be about THEIR lives. We all have different stories of how we came to be who we are and the challenges and triumphs that came in between. That’s much of the beauty of life, the individual stories that each of us wear in our wrinkles and in our scars.

It all got me tracing the steps of awareness in my own journey. I had to really think hard to recall the first gay or lesbian characters that I saw on screen. Then it dawned on me and nearly brought tears to my eyes- Rickie Vasquez from My So Called Life in 1994. Many people in my age group were probably struck by this boy’s troubled life and for me it just reinforced the importance of being hidden. Then there was the confusion of crushing on both Jared Leto and Claire Danes. The first lesbian I remember was Queen Latifah’s butch portrayal of ‘Cleo’ in Set it Off (1996) and then of course the infamous kiss on the coming out episode of Ellen (1997). The next year, I was passing the worn out VHS of the box office flop Wild Things back and forth to another “DADT” friend to watch the sex scenes. I remember feeling disheartened that violence and/or death always seemed to come to gay characters. This would continue to be a theme in many of the films that I saw over the next couple years: GIA, High Art, Girl Interrupted, Philadelphia, The Laramie Project, Boys Don’t Cry.

I guess what really got me thinking about this disjointed course of awareness was a combination of the Stonewall documentaries, reading the Beebo Brinker chronicles (set in the 1950s) and a few articles that I’ve read lately. Really digging deeper into the history and culture of our community has been enriching for me. I’m able to be that much more thankful for where we are, when really contemplating how far we have come. The fact that I can freely write my opinions and ideas, journaling my live with my love -without persecution- is an accomplishment in itself. Of course we have a long way to go for full equality but finally I have seen more and more positive portrayals of the lives of gay and lesbian people. Not to say that the heartbreaking stories don’t have a place as well. Those stories tend to remind people of human unity so often forgotten or lost by all of our labels and subcultures. But it’s nice to be able to also see gay and lesbians just living their lives without all ending up on the wrong end of a shotgun.

Take a minute and think about it- Do you recall the first gay or lesbian character you saw, and what effect it had on you?