That’s what my friend, Texass, calls me- referring to the elementary school spelling of my home state. What she, nor I, knew until this week was just how crooked I am. After much delay, (per my usual dealwithitlater syndrome) I finally went to see a wonderfully regarded chiropractor about my “clickeritis” syndrome. I haven’t written about it in a while because not knowing what the hell is going on doesn’t make for very interesting reading.

The chiro ran some x-rays of my neck and spine and well, you know it’s not good when he says “Don’t go run off and join the circus just yet.”

I wish I had copies of the films because what I saw was rather wicked. In fact, I may have to hand deliver them to my doc so that I can snap a photo of the fucked-upness. First he puts a sample of the “perfect curve” up on the light box, which makes a curved C-shape. And then he puts up my x-ray which, more resembles the letter L. Also on the picture perfect spine was shown nicely spaced vertebrae, where on mine the last 3-4 were all jammed together.

And I wonder why my freaking neck and arm aches?! It doesn’t appear that there is any room for the nerves to even be there. The second x-ray he puts up is the direct view of my spine, which is supposed to basically be in a straight line… but it appears that my head is screwed on with a crazy straw, bending and bucking away from the spine.

Despite it not being a near-death experience, all the crazy and reckless stunts I’ve pulled all flashed before my eyes…

…flipping head over heels down the double black diamond slopes (my first day on a snowboard)
…getting bucked off horses (and a goat a couple of times too)
…slamming face first into a concrete-like lake off of a wakeboard
…diving off bridges, railroad trestles, boulders and rope swings
…multiple car wrecks
…getting dragged down a river under a raft

As the sensation of ice cold water rushed over me, it brought me back to the present just in time to hear, “…could be a congenital defect.” A small little voice in my head screamed YES! in relief that it was possible I didn’t indeed do this to myself. I know that I’m lucky I don’t already have my head screwed on with nuts and bolts like another former dare-devil I know.

I don’t really know what is next in treatment or diagnosis for being crooked but it apparently requires much more tests and x-rays. I will let you know how it goes.